Dear Kogi
Ξ March 8th, 2009 | → | ∇ 90041, Food, Press |
Waiting out in the cold for the “it” taco truck that was 90 minutes late gave me lots of time to think of metaphors last night, and I think I’ve hit on something. Kogi is a lot like Kristen Stewart: Traditional media have been swooning over her for months, the blogosphere covers her every appearance, and based on the hype, Helen of Troy might be able to land a role beside her as an ugly step-sister. So, what do you do when she finally notices you and you have a shot at a date? Well, the New York/Los Angeles/Financial Times have all raved about her. Jonathan Gold wrote about how hot she was, and you’re the envy of every other guy who’s convinced she’s a perfect 10, so you say “yes”.
Kristen: “I’ll meet you at the corner of Eagle Rock and York around 8:30. I’m really looking forward to meeting you, we’re going to have a great time”
Me: “Well…you are Kristen Stewart. Okay, see you then.”
I shower, brush my teeth, shave, put on a nice collared shirt with thin vertical stripes, and find a clean pair of jeans. A quick dab of aftershave and my hip new sneakers (Kristen deserves better than worn out Vans), and I’m off.
8:45: There’s still no sign of my date, but hey, she is Kristen Stewart. She probably ran into something more important, so I can be patient. Wow…Kristen Stewart.
9:00: No word from Kristen. I’ll just grab a beer down at the York to kill some time, calm my nerves, and when she twitters me that she’s arrived, I’ll head down to begin our date.
9:30: Still no word from Kristen as I drain my 1903. She is a pretty big deal around here. I’m sure she has more important things to do than hang out with me in humble old Eagle Rock. I’m getting a little impatient, but just think, I’ll be able to tell all my friends how I went on a date with that girl from Twilight. I’d better head back to the ARCO station where we were supposed to meet. Maybe she’s there and waiting for me.
9:45: No Kristen. I’m starting to feel jilted, and my eyes are wandering. There are some other pretty attractive options around. I can walk to Rambo’s, which is better than a sharp stick in the eye, and Leo’s (a bit of a hype magnet herself but still solidly attractive) is only a block further down. I’ll give her 15 minutes.
10:05: No Kristen, no date, just a disappointed sucker feeling idiotic for being stood up by a vapid celebrity who doesn’t know what she’s missing out on. I peel out, eyes blurred with tears while I blubber something about how Robert Pattinson probably doesn’t even know what a taco is.
By 10:15 I’ve regained my composure, and I’m able to reflect on the evening while enjoying the simple pleasures of La Estrella’s red sauce. The woman of my dreams has been standing right in front of me (and York Appliance), and I was so blinded by the Hollywood hype that I forgot all about her. She may not have a website, Kimchi quesadillas, or a line of foodies beating down her door, but once you get past her rough facade, she’s dependable, affordable, and has just enough Latina attitude to keep you on your toes. I never even thought Kristen was that attractive anyways, I just let the critics convince me otherwise.
So Kogi, “I like you as a friend”, “I think we should see other people”, “I don’t speak English”, “I’m married to the sea”, “I don’t want to taze you but I will”…I guess what I’m trying to say is, it’s over. You’re a great person, and I’m sure you’ll find someone who makes you happy.
2 Responses to ' Dear Kogi '
on March 8th, 2009 at 8:23 pm
Classic. I’ll take tacos too.
on March 8th, 2009 at 11:36 pm
more evidence of the fact that a girl wearing a slutty outfit and carrying a blackberry doesn’t guarantee a good night on the town. but sometimes you need the diversion to appreciate what’s in front of you.